I had a real a-ha moment in yoga today. I was going through my sun salutations like every day but I could feel a weird tension. I got curious and slowed down, way down. That did it. I instantly felt my muscles shift, and the flow from down dog to up dog felt like this lovely dance. I also instantly realized that I was doing yoga because I thought I should. I was doing it in order to get to the next thing on my to do list so I could ease my anxiety about having so much to do. I was freaking out about being 45, wondering if there would be enough time to do all the things. I moved into pigeon pose. Ouch, it’s been a while. I immediately hunched over and began to weep. I was processing the death of a community member who was my age. I was remembering that this is all impermanent and infinite at the same time. I began to feel a motivation, a fire. After pigeon I moved into a elevated chest hip opener I love called supta baddha konasana. My heart was aching for my aunt, who is being faced with moving my uncle into a home where he will live out this life with an awful disease. Again I wept. I began to think of my husband and the beautiful life we have. So much emotion all at once, it was impossible to move. I identified it as bittersweet gratitude. There was a hint of sadness there, and I chose to let it be. I moved into laying on my side and holding myself, a version of savasana. This is my life and it is perfect. I am right where I need to be. I do great things. I am grateful, sad, elated, angry and many more things. I am. This is all we need to do is be here now.
I remember reading things like this in Yoga Journal or on various blogs and thinking “man, my yoga practice just isn’t going that deep”. I never even cried in yoga or had any sort of real glimpse of my essence until I got more tuned in by making my practice a priority. By showing up daily and giving something to the practice, being there and trying I was getting closer to something surfacing. To be completely honest the real juicy stuff in my healing comes up in restorative yoga. When I’m totally still and calm, all the things I need to see rise to the surface. In fact adding savasanah to my toolbox has been the best medicine I’ve ever had. I’m talking about really tucking in with props, blankets and getting the body into the most comfortable, supported pose imaginable and then consciously being there for at least 15-20 minutes. I started doing this daily as part of my yoga training and wow. I no longer need that afternoon cup of coffee. I look forward to it like one looks forward to napping. I use it in times of meltdown, which are infrequent but it does happen. Whether this inspires you to dive deeper into yoga or sit in the yard and birdwatch, the idea is to slow down and find the stillness. Being with yourself is where the magick happens. As your true self emerges, your life becomes more joyful and free. I am here to facilitate in many ways if you please. I offer one on one sessions that pull from a variety of resources based on your needs. I also host community events, and I will also be co-hosting three retreats this year! One in glorious Sayulita, Mexico this summer and the other two local So-Cal in spring and fall. To stay in the loop join my community on Facebook &/or shoot me an email to receive news via the inbox. ( I don’t send a ton, I promise)
I look forward to hearing about your journey. How do you find the stillness?
May you always be happy and free!